to zoe

Dear Zoe,

you always asked me if i love you the most. i always say yes, because i do. i do love you the most. one day, i may not answer it as swiftly since Zak is already growing up and he might one day ask me the same question, and like a true mother, i will also say that of course, it is him i love the most.

when that time comes, i hope you understand that both answers are not a lie. they are what mothers are supposed to say and supposed to make you feel. i can see that in the near future, you will question my integrity, my choices, my decisions but i hope you know that when it comes to the question of loving you, i will always give you a truthful answer.

you test me now, at four. all the things i have read on how to rear a child sometimes go out to the door since you already know all the buttons to push. i know it is my fault since i gave you those buttons. i hope you know that when i push back, it is not to hurt you. but you should understand that in life there are rules you have to follow. i hope that i can impart to you this rules. and impart to you their value. but i also hope that if you decide to break these rules, you must know that there might be consequences but there could also be a new way of doing things that you might discover.

as you grow up, you will eventually learn that we, your parents are not impeccable. we will sometimes be at the opposite sides of an argument, but let not are arguments make you think that our love for you is in question. i hope that i will learn not to stop you from saying what you feel and what you think and i hope that you will learn not to lose sight of the topic at hand.

one day, you will see us a old fashioned traditionalist and have lost sense of culture and politics, i hope you will have the audacity to show us your politics and teach us your culture. since we will always want to know you.

I love you.

Nanay